the long and winding larynx

It's a weird thing to write a whole bunch of songs that you can't really sing. We've pretty much recorded all of the instruments for the album and now i just have to sing it... i'm at the plate, bases loaded and someone spiked my gatorade with polio. No matter how hard my little atrophied arm swings, i ain't clearing no fence.

There's an intense paradigm shift required to make the switch from drummer to singer and this inconvenient lack of skill is being a real pain in my arse. It's so frustrating to know what's meant to be happening, to have written a melody for god's sake, and not be able to sing the bloody thing.

I spent Friday hurling myself into take after take- voice weakening by the minute, space bar being hit with increasing fury as it executed the next in a long queue of condemned waveforms. The last time i tried to lay down these vocals, it wasn't so urgent, so when my voice started to tank i just finished up for the night and tried to pretend the horrifying notion that my house was built on sand had not just reared its ugly head.

That was weeks ago, and enough time had passed so that I could approach Friday with some sunny hard-won ignorance.

Einstein said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I would probably include "...and throwing faeces" in that definition, but that'd just be a self-serving addition to disqualify myself from a diagnosis (despite getting very close to displaying that symptom on Friday night).

I guess i have been a bit crazy to think you can become a singer just by saying "i'm a singer now". Singing is hard and unless i invest in an autotune plugin and learn to lip sync, i'm gonna need to do some serious work. To return seamlessly to the analogy: i've been hoping that this guy on the mound will walk me for an easy base hit - a few wayward pitches, maybe a curveball into the ribs - but he's been throwing down strikes all game and he hasn't even broken a sweat. I'm gonna have to hit this damn thing whether i like it or not.

For those of you who may be unfamiliar with the rules of baseball and hence could not have received the full illustrative benefit of these rich metaphors, please see educational video below. 


  1. Know what makes you a better singer? Constantly doing it, to anything. Sing along to the radio in the car, sing along to Mp3's at home. Try to pitch your voice into the same range as the person you are singing along with on the recording. Sing full voiced, not under your breath. It will seriously make a difference. I sucked when I first started singing, but I seriously credit our hero Phil Collins with teaching me how to sing because I sang No Jacket Required to pieces as a teenager in my bedroom. You end up developing a sense of how you sound and how to control your voice.

    Is that your mom holding the frying pan? :-)

    Oh, and blog more often, I like your way with words too. "Paradigm" - GREAT word!

  2. Thanks dude, i have to send a shout out to my man BK for cramming the word 'paradigm' back into the national vernacular.